I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
