Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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