My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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