Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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