She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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