And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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