he puts the penis in happiness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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