just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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