So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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