mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
