its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
