i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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