I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
