We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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