Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
