I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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