i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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