i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
