Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
