Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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