Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
