pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
