party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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