How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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