and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
