Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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