We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
