BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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