God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
