You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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