i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
