So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
