I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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