Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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