i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
