i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
3pm strippers are depressing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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