Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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