At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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