I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
