I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
