She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
