you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize