Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
