Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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