Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
