There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
