Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
