I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize