i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is the high leading the old right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
