My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
