so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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