Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
