Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize