one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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