he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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