Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
