the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
