Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
