My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
