Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
