you mean i was at the winter classic?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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