Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize