We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Text me some of your sweat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
