So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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