i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize