Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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