I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
