So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
