I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
