the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
