my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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