There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
