She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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