And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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