I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
