She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
