when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
