Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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