so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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