ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
