Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
