The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
false alarm, still single
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
