there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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