he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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